DAY 6
Dear girls, that bullied me in school.
I never was a girl that liked doing makeup, nails and only doing girly stuff. I never was like you.
Since I was a kid, I loved to play in the nature, I loved feeling sand between my fingers and I had no problem with mud in my face. I was more like a boy then a girl and a had more male friends with whom I rode BMX bikes or skateboarded.
But when I changed from elementary school to grammar school, I lost all these friends because they went to a different school.
And it was difficult for me to find new friends, because I couldn’t trust other girls and the boys at my new school were not like the male friends I had before.
So, I became the outsider in our class. And on the top of it I really struggled with the fact, that my body started to became more female at the age of 12. I was the first girl in our class to get breasts and I was ashamed of it. I felt very uncomfortable that they got bigger and bigger and it was hard for me to hide them especially in sports lessons.
This was the time when I started to hide myself and began to living in my own dream world. Books were my plan to escape from all of this.
What I missed because of the problems I had do deal with was, that one of the guys in my class had a crush on me.
And the leader of the girl’s club recognized it, but the big problem was that she had a crush on him.
So, she started to hate me and all the girls began to bully me.
At this time, I was completely overstrained with the situation because I didn’t know why they did this to me.
I needed many years before I understood why all this happened.
It took me nine months of being humiliated before I finally found the strength to fight back.
I will never forget the shocked face of that girl when I said to her: “Shut up or I am going to hit you in your face!”
From that moment they stopped, but the damage was already made.
My brain had stored all the bad things they had said to me and accepted them as truth.
I deeply believed that I was
- ugly
- fat
- stink
- don’t belong in this world
- not worth to live
- that no one would miss me, when I am gone
It’s been 28 years now and still I’m struggling with myself about it.
Now it’s definitely time for me to change this.
So, I call you my guides and all the light beings around me to help me cut these bonds and help me erase those lies in my system.
I am going to take the big golden scissors now and cut the lines to heartful words and inner pain.
From now on all that is left in my conviction is:
- that I am beautiful
- that I earn everything good in this world
- that I earn to be loved
- that I earn to live a happy life
- that I can love myself no matter what
Thank you my guides and all the light beings around me, for the help to erase this bad words inside of me.
Thank you, Papa, for this opportunity, I love you.