DAY 15
Dear Gazi,
two years after I left Türkiye and built a new life in my hometown in Germany, all the experiences just wouldn’t let me go. I had the urgent need to visit all the familiar places again to finally be able to come to terms with my past.
So, I went on another vacation to Türkiye with my mother. And this was the moment, when I met you.
You complimented me, flattered me and made me feel desirable. And then you stole a kiss from me and apologized for it afterwards, saying that you just couldn’t help yourself. And because I longed for affection and touch, I gave in to you.
After I slept with you, I met your work colleague with whom you shared an apartment. And I’ll never forget that disgusted yet pitying look on his face that he gave me.
You obviously had women coming in and out of your place. And in that moment, I felt so shabby and dirty.
Like some kind of cheap whore who lets anyone climb on her.
And I started to hate myself for getting involved with you.
When you confessed to me that you were actually much older than the 30 years you had assured me of, I was furious. It wasn’t really about your age, but the fact that you lied, lied to get what you wanted.
If I had trusted my intuition back then and already had my compass, I would never have gotten involved with you.
For some inexplicable reason, I have an aversion to bald men.
I can’t explain it and the cause certainly doesn’t lie in my current life. Although I never had a really bad experience with a bald man, I can remember I didn’t like them even as a child.
And it was precisely this fact that I simply suppressed when I met you.
And although I know that I shouldn’t be ashamed of it, this experience still stuck in me like a deep wound.
So, I call you my guides and all the light beings around me to help me cut these bad bonds.
I am going to take the big golden scissors now and cut the lines to lies, the feeling of being a dirty whore and whatever the problem is that I have with bald men.
All that is left now is the unconditional love for myself and that all what I did was a part of my path to become the person I used to be.
Thank you, my guides and all the light beings, around me, for the help to heal these wounds.
Thank you, Papa, for this opportunity, I love you.