DAY 26
Dear problems,
I have struggled with so many things in my life, much of which was so insignificant. but it held me back, it demanded my attention and blocked me in everything that would have been important.
And what I couldn’t see was that I wasn’t alone in this.
I was so preoccupied with my problems that I never really noticed how much others were struggling with their burdens.
When I lived in Türkiye, I worked with two men who were also struggling, I didn’t really understand it back then. But now I can see that their wounds were very deep.
When I first met Taner, I didn’t know how to communicate with him properly. He only spoke Turkish and Russian and my Turkish wasn’t very good and I couldn’t speak Russian at all.
And he was this big, beefy, aggressive guy who always got loud when I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me.
And the longer we worked together, the angrier I got when he came to me and we almost argued again.
And one evening I was so furious that I lashed out with my fist and tried to punch him in the face. He was only just able to dodge my punch and then he looked at me so puzzled.
When we were standing there like that, it was somehow totally strange, suddenly I had the feeling that he could understand my emotion.
Another work colleague later told me that Taner’s sister was very ill and that he had to earn a lot of money at all costs in order to pay the doctors. And that he was only ever so loud and unruly because he was under so much pressure.
And suddenly I could understand him, because I knew the feeling of being under constant pressure.
After that, there was a kind of truce between us and we both managed to understand each other just by saying a few words. I even learned a few words of Russian through him.
And then he really surprised me when he even defended me to another colleague. He was so protective.
From that day on, I called him that too, like everyone else: Taner Abi (big brother Taner)
Because that’s what he was to me from then on, the big brother I never had.
The other man I didn’t like from the beginning was Deniz.
He was this typical southern good-looking man, but so arrogant and overbearing. As if the whole world belonged to him and all women should be at his feet.
He spoke fluent German and had a very special way of selling everything to the customer and never allowed the customer the opportunity to say no. At the time, I was really convinced that this word didn’t even exist in his vocabulary.
I can’t remember how many times customers came to me later and told me that they couldn’t afford the massages, but he had pressured them into buying them. And I was shocked by his behavior, manipulating people like that just for his own profit.
And I must admit that I was pleased to hear him say that he would soon be working in another hotel where he could earn even more money.
But then one day, during my daily evening check in the men’s changing room, I found a small black book and because everyone else had already left, I had time to read it for a moment.
And I was shocked, because it was his diary. He wrote it in German so that his Turkish colleagues couldn’t read it if he forgot it somewhere. It’s actually quite funny that I of all people found it.
And in the diary he wrote that he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to keep up this facade of a great life.
Because he had a very big problem, he was addicted to cocaine.
He lived in constant fear that someone might find out about his addiction. He wrote that he couldn’t sleep through the night, he wondered if anyone would notice that he was never really in control of his senses because of his drug use. And he wrote about how desperately he had tried to get away from it. And that he didn’t know how he could continue to finance his addiction, knowing that the shit was so damn expensive.
I remember sitting there in that changing room, completely stunned and suddenly I didn’t hate him anymore, I just felt sorry for him.
Then I put the book back where I found it.
2 days later he started working in another hotel and I never saw him again.
And now, as I write these lines, I sense that even here, between these two men and myself, a bond has been created that needs to be broken.
So, I call you my guides and all the light beings around me to help me erase this bond.
I am going to take the big golden scissors now and cut the lines to misunderstanding and the feel of separation.
All that is left is the knowledge that everyone is struggling with something and that we are all connected, whether we like it or not.
Thank you, my guides and all the light beings, around me, for the help to heal this.
Thank you, Papa, for this opportunity, I love you.