DAY 29
Dear heart,
for a long time in my life, I completely ignored you.
Although you were there for me every single day, every single minute and every single second, keeping my body alive.
I just didn’t understand that you are not just an organ that pumps blood through my body, but that you are so much more than that.
In you lies my soul and the connection with the divine wisdom.
You are the guide for the path that is destined for me, and you do not act like the mind on the basis of past experiences.
And even though I ignored every single signal you sent me, I was very stubborn in not listening to you.
But then you shook me awake. I still remember lying in bed that night, trying to fall asleep, when I felt those strange heartbeats for the first time.
And I have to admit that it scared me so much that I panicked and thought I was about to have a heart attack. But then an inner voice told me to breathe in and out deeply and I did.
And as quickly as the heart leaps had come, they were suddenly gone.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t sleep properly that night because I was afraid that it could happen again.
Days passed in which nothing happened and I slowly began to forget that night, but a week later they were back.
I was sitting in the office, annoyed with a client, when I kept feeling these strange heart jumps and I panicked again. I remembered to take deep breaths and then it was quiet again.
But from that day on, they came again and again. And most of all it happened in bed at night when I was trying to fall asleep. And it scared me so much that I made an appointment with my doctor as soon as I could.
However, my family doctor couldn’t help me any further as she couldn’t find anything conspicuous, after all the heart jumps weren’t there when I went to see her.
She then sent me to a cardiologist and I had to wait 6 months for this appointment.
It was a terrible time, this uncertainty almost drove me mad, while these heart palpitations haunted me at irregular intervals, sometimes during the day and sometimes at night.
When the cardiologist finally told me after several tests that my heart was fine, it just got a little out of sync sometimes, but that this was nothing that was dangerous for me and needed to be fixed, I was so incredibly relieved.
But then I started thinking about it later.
If what was happening to me had no organic cause, then it was obviously something else inside me that was causing it. And at that moment I understood that the life I was leading was the reason for all of this.
During that time, I put so much energy into my job, which I hadn’t enjoyed for a long time, and into so many other things that I had to do. But there wasn’t a second of the day left for me or for the things I like to do.
And from that point on, I started to make more time for my passions and felt something change in me.
I had a lot more joy, more drive in my everyday life and little by little the time intervals between the strange heartbeats became less and less until one day they disappeared completely.
To this day they have not come back and I am grateful to you, my heart, for shaking me awake. Because many good things have happened in my life since then.
And I swear to you that I will listen to you, follow your advice and use my connection between you and the divine wisdom to go my way.
Thank you for being there for me every single second of my life. Thank you for your strength and gentleness at the same time. I love you.
Thank you, Papa, for this opportunity, I love you.