DAY 80
Dear weird energy deep inside of me,
I’m so fed up with you.
Can’t you just get the fuck out of my life?
Every single damn day you try to influence me, to push me towards what you want so badly.
When will you finally realize that we’ll never get it as long as you’re so focused on it and trying to drag me along with you.
It doesn’t work like that!
Just leave it the hell alone.
Aren’t I going through enough shit already?
Please give me a break at least for a moment.
Please loosen your grip so that I can take a deep breath.
Or we’ll both lose.
What good will it do you if I can no longer stand up to you?
You can’t win, because if you manage to break me, you won’t get what you so desperately want.
Why can’t we get together and just be grateful that Papa has shown us what we both basically want in the first place?
Why can’t we just be proud that it exists and let it have his freedom?
I know it’s hard, but let’s band together and work on accepting that maybe it’s not meant to be in our lives.
And I realize that we both don’t really want that, neither you nor me.
But let’s just be grateful that this thing has led us into a process that is much more important than having it in our lives.
Let’s be allies on this path that can lead us to so much more than owning something that has more than earned its peace.
Thank you, dear weird energy in me, for at least seeming to listen to my last words. Because for a moment you actually fell silent. Thank you for at least this brief moment of stillness.
Thank you, my guides and all the light beings, around me, for your support in this process.
Thank you, Papa, for your unconditional love and for these opportunities, I love you.