DAY 12
Dear father Joachim,
when I was 4 you and I met, before you met my mother. I was sick at that day and had to wait in front of the office my mother worked these days and you came there because you started to working there. From the second we saw each other we had some kind of a connection it was like I manifested that you would become the father I want to grow up with. And then when you met my mother you two fell in love and got married only 4 months later.
You were my hero, the man I looked up to. I always got on better with you than with my mother. You were my advisor, my best friend, my protector, and the shoulder I could cry on. We could laugh about everything together and talked about dreams and hopes. And I will keep the memories of our adventures and journeys we made, forever.
But you were also the person who taught me that I’m only worth something if I prove my worth. Because of you, I was under constant pressure to get good grades at school, to do my homework on time and to help you always work on our house, even when I didn’t want to.
I can still remember very clearly how, at the age of 18, I used to squat on the roof of our garage on men’s day and nail up boards despite my fear of heights, while you stood at the garden fence chatting with our neighbor.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you taught me how to use a hammer, a cordless screwdriver, a lawnmower and a hedge trimmer, or that I know how to change a wheel on a car.
But it’s up to you, I never had a good relationship with other men because I always felt like I had to do something special to prove my worth. And that was too exhausting for me, so I just stayed away and never learned how to have a normal conversation with a man.
After 23 years of marriage, you and my mother got divorced. We stayed together in the house we had worked on for years with our own hands. And then I was the one who made your laundry and cooked for you. And I understood that you were looking for some new love for yourself, after so many years of marriage that wasn’t just heaven on earth.
And when you found your new girlfriend, I was happy for you. Even I didn’t like her from the beginning we met, I accepted her because I knew you loved her.
But then after only 3 weeks everything changed.
We couldn’t talk anymore; your girlfriend did everything that I had done before and last but not least you even gave her the Nickname that you had given me since I was 4.
It was like you pushed me out of your life and replaced me with her.
After a heated argument, you moved out of the house and only 2 weeks later I got a letter from your lawyer saying that you wanted to sue me for your tenancy rights.
God, I was so hurt. To this day this pain is still inside of me.
From one day to another my trusted and best friend was gone forever and we never talked again. And very often I asked myself if you missed me the way I missed you. Or did you not care?
I will never get an answer to this question, because you died in December 2022 one day before Christmas at the age of 70.
And I know that we will be together again when my time has come. And I am absolutely clear that we both only did what was committed in our soul contract. But I feel that this is one of my biggest traumas that kept me from being the person I destined to be.
So, I call you my guides and all the light beings around me to help me cut these bonds and help me erase the bad feelings of being replaced, being nothing worth without hard working for it and not being wanted anymore.
I am going to take the big golden scissors now and cut the lines to misunderstanding, pain and the feeling of left behind.
All that is left now is the unconditional love for my father and the knowledge that I earn everything in this world just because I am alive.
Thank you, my guides and all the light beings, around me, for the help to heal this relationship.
Thank you, Papa, for this opportunity, I love you.