DAY 39
Dear doubts,
of all my constant thoughts, you were the one that was always the loudest.
Because of you, I was insecure my whole life and often didn’t dare to do things that I would have liked to try.
I trusted you so much, even though you couldn’t know the future any more than I could. You constantly showed me terrible horror scenarios that could happen, but in the end none of them ever really did.
I realize that you were just trying to protect me and save me from grief. But you also blocked a lot of things in my life that would have helped me to grow.
This constant blah blah blah that you are doing in my head reminds me of my mentor Bodo’s story about ducks and eagles.
Ducks do nothing all day but swim in the pond or walk around in the meadow and as soon as there’s something that’s not usually there, they start quacking without pause. If someone walks by, they quack, if another bird comes by, they quack, if another duck finds something to eat, then the next duck comes quacking and tries to take it away.
It’s as if they are constantly complaining about something by quacking.
And because you, dear doubts, you do the same in my head about everything I do, I will call you “Ducky” from now on.
And if you want to start quacking loudly in my head again, I’ll just tell you to find another fucking pond.
So, I call you my guides and all the light beings around me to help me erase the endless flood of doubts in my head.
I am going to take the big golden scissors now and cut the lines to my terrible carousel of horror scenarios that will never happen.
From now on, I will surrender to the trial with lots of faith.
Thank you, my guides and all the light beings, around me, for your help to start a new chapter in my life.
Thank you, Papa, for this opportunity, I love you.